Here we are, back for the epic conclusion to the Most Important List Friday of Our Lifetime. After much thought, remembrance, and internal debate, I somehow managed not only to narrow down my all-time favorite childhood toys, but to also RANK them. It wasn’t easy. Tears were shed. Blood was spilled. Much Googling was perpetrated. Here are the final results.

If you missed Part One, check it out HERE first.

Top 20 Favorite Toys From Childhood (Part Two)

Optimus Prime



Optimus Prime. The Man. Absolute toy perfection. Flawlessly designed robot mode, commander-in-chief, sweet truck mode, perfect colors, classic foil stickers, came with a cool base you could pretend was ‘Autobot Headquarters’ (complete with a little desk which I always assumed was for doing paperwork,) a missile-launching lookout tower with a grabby-hand, and a six-wheeled scout vehicle you could launch out and play MOON PATROL with. Sturdy. Trustworthy. The Original Fist Model. There’s just so much to say, yet mere words would never be enough to do him justice. The perfect Christmas present during a golden age, and still my single favorite toy to date. Most importantly, Optimus Prime’s file card taught me that freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

Cobra Terror-Drome




If I was basing this list on sheer brute-force impressiveness of scale or funs-per-hour, the Terror-Drome might actually be my #1. The Terror-Drome, by my standards, is absolutely the perfect playset all-around. Even moreso than the much larger and much more legendary Aircraft Carrier. The Terror-Drome is like fun compressed into more fun. It’s like an apartment full of headquarters. For the first time EVER, the bad guys got a headquarters twice as awesome as the good guys’. You had your huge command center up top, where Cobra Commander and Co. facilitated their diabolical plans. You had huge cannons around the perimeter, flanked by massive Cobra insignia shield panels that would keep anyone far far away. You had a full-fledged launch bay for a super-awesome Cobra rocket jet vehicle that was EXCLUSIVELY available with the T-D. You had a series of good-sized compartments all around the sides, which opened up to reveal all kinds of handy things like gunnery stations, fueling stations, a JAIL (always essential in any serious playset), and miscellanious others you could use as willed. Pure gold.


Dargon of the Sectaurs




Dargon. Maybe my fascination came about as a result of his name being so similar to my own. Maybe it’s the deep blue penetrating insect eyes and glow-in-the-dark antennae. The pimpin’ silver jumpsuit and disco medallion. Maybe it’s the stylish blonde 80’s ‘do. Really, it’s the perfect mix of all of the above. And the fact that I got Dargon here (and a couple of other guys) for Christmas RIGHT when the Sectaurs were at their peak and their commercials were the hottest thing since KISS dolls. Sectaurs didn’t stay very popular for very long, unfortunately, but they were a great toy line, and Dargon is still the champion in my book.


Jetfire




Transformers were always a real treat, because they veered a bit on the expensive side and thus I only had a handful of them. Jetfire, at the time, was the coolest of all Transformers. He looked sleek all-around, turned into a killer fighter jet, towered over even Optimus Prime (who, in hindsight, is surprisingly short) and had an air of mystery about him, as he rarely made appearances in the cartoon or various comic/story books. I knew nothing of Robotech, so I wasn’t aware Jetfire was basically a re-packaged Robotech Valkyrie, which is why you never saw him much, and the few times you did, he looked noticably off-model. Solid as a rock, rockin’ paint scheme, spring-loaded metal landing gear, a big-ass gun and tons of accessory armor. Jetfire. He’s so bad.


G.I.Joe Headquarters




Oh man, G.I.Joe Headquarters. The first toy that taught me that getting kick-ass birthday presents on a school night SUCKS, because you have to go to school the next day. I actually got up a full TWO HOURS EARLY (absolutely insane and unheard-of in kid world) the next morning just to play before I had to leave for school. I was like a zombie at school that day, dreaming of ways in which Zartan would escape the jail, what other vehicles might fit in the garage, and a lifetime’s worth of crazy adventures to be had now that my G.I.Joe guys had a place to live. This came before the Terror-Drome, so it was, by far, the most epically large toy I had owned at that point. My entire universe had expanded.


Tron




Here’s another under the ‘didn’t actually own’ category, however, once again Mark Smith across the street did. (And nearly a decade later, I would end up buying the same exact figures from his mother.) While I don’t remember ever actually playing with them, I do remember being fascinated by their indescribable coolness. Also, like every other kid, my brain was wired to believe that Tron was just an awesome property regardless. Even though I didn’t even know the characters’ names, the fact that they were molded in translucent plastic and were ‘crazy computer space guys’ made them the bee’s knees. Plus, they rode LIGHT CYCLES, like in that TRON GAME at Dairy Queen! One last factor of coolness was that Mark was the only kid I ever knew that had ’em, making them fairly rare by my experience.


Sky-Striker [XP-14F]




It’s amusing to hold a Sky-Striker now, because I SWEAR that back when I got this as a kid, it was the size of a small car. I got this one year as a reward for another year of excellent grades at elementary school, and I remember sitting at my dad’s lab the following day playing with it for hours upon hours upon hours and just being overwhelmed by its hugeness. It held two pilots, had retractable wings and landing gear, came with two working parachutes, and could theoretically fly so high that it needed an ASTRONAUT to pilot it! This was the first real ‘big’ toy I ever had. I remember even being impressed that its cardboard packaging was thicker than other G.I.Joe packaging, resulting in all panels but the front being printed in only 2 colors. That’s how you knew you had a BIG G.I.Joe toy.


Skeletor




Skeletor. The original and undisputed king of 80’s villains. Accept no substitutions.


Dukes Of Hazzard Barnbuster Playset




This one was almost as hard to find pictures of as Suckerman. I used to love me some Dukes. I had General Lee ring racers, Dukes Hot Wheels sets, fake C.B. radios. belt buckles, an ‘intimidating’ white plastic Boss Hog hat I probably wore for a solid year, and, best of all, this Dukes of Hazzard Barnbusters playset. Basically, the Barnbusters General Lee was one of those cars that you rev up the wheels real fast and let go. This set gave you all kinds of entertaining obstacles. You could rev the General it into the barn, and it would come out the other side doing a wheelie. You could run it into the rail where it would tip the General sideways without flipping it over. Lastly, you could simply run it off one of two ‘sweet jumps’ or through a quaint little ‘puddle’ sticker (which was surprisingly epic to my child imagination.) This, in my opinion, is the pinnacle of Dukes merchandise.


Dagobah




While there are tons of Star Wars playsets much larger and more ‘spectacular’, Dagobah here always just fascinated me. It was Yoda’s ‘base’. It had sweet-ass quicksand that guys could drown in and/or monsters could clandestinely emerge from. It had magic treelimbs and things where you could make it appear that Luke was using the force to cartwheel through the air or lift toolboxes. It had a little table on the inside where Yoda could sit and eat his lunch. It had that ‘scary cave’ area where Luke encountered Darth Vader as himself in ESB. Dagobah was a tiny playset, but it was packed with tons of stuff to do and a general ‘aura of mystery’ about it that makes it my favorite of all Star Wars playsets.